


Fill with Fire, Exhale Desire

by starrywrite



Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Accidental Outing, Drabble, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 05:38:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1807339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrywrite/pseuds/starrywrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil remembers reading somewhere that holding your breath can stop a panic attack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fill with Fire, Exhale Desire

**Author's Note:**

> i was watching teen wolf and then i got inspired to write this, so i did the thing and here we are :) enjoy!!!

This can’t be happening, this cannot be happening. 

What was he thinking making a picture of Phil kissing him his desktop background? What was he thinking not closing his laptop or turning it out of sight before Louise whipped out her vlogging camera? A better question would be, why the fuck _wasn’t_ he thinking? Because he clearly wasn’t at all, and now there’s pictures and gifs all over Tumblr and Twitter of his laptop background, and people are asking questions, and now everyone knows - they all know about him and Phil.

Dan hasn’t even realized he had begun to cry until Phil cups his hands around his face, his thumbs moving to brush away his tears, and he tells him, “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

The brunette boy shakes his head because it’s not okay. Their best kept secret has been revealed to the world, the one thing he wanted to keep all to himself has been taken away from him. And now everyone knows, everyone knows about them and Dan wasn’t ready for his. His breath is coming out in short gasps and his hands shake as he reaches for Phil, trying to grasp his shirt in his hands because he just needs something to remind him that he’s there, that he’s not alone right now. But his fingers are trembling and he can’t get a grip on anything, and he can’t breathe. 

“Dan? Dan, talk to me, what’s wrong?” Phil’s voice is ringing out, breaking the clouded thoughts that float around in his mind, but everything sounds echoey and distant, and his vision is going hazy, and he still can’t breathe; it’s as if there’s a weight pressing down on his chest, everything is tense and tight, and his heart is working in overtime, he can feel the pulsating beats in his fingertips.

Dan shakes his head, taking a step away from Phil because he feels so crowded and claustrophobic right now. He runs his fingers through his hair and he inhales deeply, but it gets caught in his chest, in his throat. “I - I think -” he gasps. “I’m having a - a panic att - attack.” 

Phil swears under his breath and takes Dan by his shoulders, lowering him down so he’s sitting on the couch, and he repeats over and over, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” he shuts Dan’s laptop and pushes it out of his line of vision so he isn’t thinking of the screencaps or the gifs circulating around the internet, and he levels with Dan, his hands on his shoulders again. “Hey, hey, just look at me, okay?” he tells him. 

“Ph - Phil,” Dan gasps, closing his eyes, instinctively his hand moving to clutch at his chest, his nails digging against the fabric of his shirt as if he wants to rip open his chest. “Phil!” he can’t form a coherent thought, nevermind a sentence, and all he knows is that he can’t breathe and he wants Phil to fix it.

“You’re fine, Dan, it’s okay,” Phil rambles, but he knows that words aren’t going to stop this, and he needs to do something - _anything_. And then it hits him, and he suddenly knows what to do and maybe this idea is crazy enough to actually work. 

Phil cups Dan’s face and presses their lips together. Dan makes a startled noise, and he goes to pull away, but Phil holds him close and he kisses him, his hand on Dan’s back, as if to say _it’s okay_. Dan is unresponsive for the most part, he just sits there, going still as a stone while Phil kisses him, but a few moments later, he reaches out hesitantly to wrap his arms around Phil’s waist and Phil can physically feel him relax. He smiles against Dan’s lips, before breaking the kiss and resting his forehead against Dan’s.

Dan tries to take a moment to process what’s just happened, and he exhales slowly, realizing that he isn’t struggling to breathe anymore, and he takes a few more deep breaths just because he can. “What was that for?” he asks shakily.

“Um, I remembered reading somewhere that holding your breath stops a panic attack.” Phil explains, his thumb idly rubbing against Dan’s cheek. “So when I kissed you, you held your breath.” 

“I did?” Dan asks, eyebrows knit together. 

“Yeah, you did.” Phil smiles a little, because he honestly didn’t think this was actually going to work, but it did and he’s never been more relieved. 

“Thanks.” Dan says. He closes his eyes and sighs a little, “I’m s-”

“Don’t apologize,” Phil interrupts. “You don’t have to apologize, it’s fine.” Dan falls silent, and Phil opens his arms, inviting him in - and Dan accepts, leaning forward and letting Phil’s arms engulf him. “We’re gonna get through this,” Phil tells him. “You and me, we’ve got each other and we’re gonna get through this.” Dan nods, blinking back tears, and he melts under Phil’s embrace, burying his face against the older boy’s chest. Phil rubs his back and kisses the side of his head, and he whispers to him, “It’s gonna be okay, Dan. I promise, it’s going to be okay.” 

A tear soaks into the fabric of Phil’s shirt, but Dan nods in understanding, because Phil never breaks his promises.


End file.
